Spring Break: Italy & Portugal

It has been awhile since I have written. Life can be so confusing. I think I’m going through a mid-life crisis. Is that possible? Something had been feeling off and it had been difficult to pinpoint. But I knew, I needed to change my environment, even if temporarily, to change my energy, flow, and focus. I took advantage of an opportunity to escape to Europe because my neighbor was going to be spending an extended amount of time in Italy. I had been to Italy so many times before, but it had been a decade since. Plus, I love Italian food, pasta particularly. At the very last minute, I booked a trip because nothing was really happening for me in LA and I had the time. I had been stressed. I had been overwhelmed. I had been stuck. So why not? And since I love exploring new countries, why not add in Portugal too?

Florence (4 nights): My first stop was Florence, where I joined my neighbor and her sister. This brought back so many memories. I had first visited Florence when I was 19 years old, with two friends, after we completed our summer abroad in the countryside of France. I was so young! A baby! This was pre-technology and pre-smart phones. I stayed in hostels and used guidebooks. Back then, hostels were not as nice, modern, or fun as they are today. I roughed it. I guess my curiosity and desire to explore was always a part of me and it felt good to get back in touch with that part of me again. Travel is a privilege but adventure is within you. Since my neighbor was staying in Italy for the month, she got an Airbnb a bit outside of the city. This was a little annoying because we had to walk to get to a tram to get into the city, and then walk a bunch more. If you can, stay in the city center. It will make your life so much easier. During this trip, we dined at some really lovely restaurants such as La Menagere (a little fancy and romantic) and La Giostra (charming). We did not have reservations at either. Since Europeans typically eat late, we were able to get tables without reservations because we arrived early. However, I think we got lucky. You should definitely make reservations if you want to eat at the best spots. Some of the random spots we chose were not as good, but we were sometimes desperate because we didn’t have reservations and didn’t want to wait hours. We went wine tasting in Tuscany. Walked all over the city, averaging at least 15,000 steps a day, which is anywhere between 5-8 miles. We indulged in gelato. Since I had been to Florence before, I didn’t feel obligated to wait in line to visit all of the museums. I don’t even think I have the patience now to do it. I was still very exhausted from all the walking though. We saw the Duomo, walked across Ponte Vecchio, shopped at the Central Market (bought truffle slices), climbed up to Piazzale Michelangelo for a view of the city, and explored many of the small, cobblestone streets. There were a few restaurants/bars that I wish we had time to try, such as Floreal (cool looking bar), lo Osteria Personale (small, quaint, wine-bar vibe, Michelin-rated), Gurdulu (casual, hip), and Zeb (casual, diner style, Michelin rated) in the Santo Spirito neighborhood. But I guess I’ll have to save that for next time!

Rome (3 nights): Rome was my second stop and also the first part of my solo adventure. We took the train to Rome together from Florence but then separated at the end of the day. They proceeded onto Naples and Pompeii and I decided to stay in Rome. I had not really traveled abroad solo since pre-pandemic. I was a little nervous about this when I booked the trip but once I got into my groove, I felt in my element. I stayed near the Trevi fountain at Relais 95 Trevi for one night but I would not do that again. The hotel was fine with a rooftop terrace and friendly staff. The room was small though and the area was overly crowded with tourists. The second two nights, I stayed in Trastavere, which I preferred. It’s close enough but away from the touristy sites. I stayed at Palazzo Baj, which is more like a guest house. The room was spacious and clean, but the bed was memory foam and super uncomfortable. Memory foam beds and pillows are something your body needs to get used to. It’s not something that should be offered for a random stay at a hotel. I’m surprised that they only provided memory foams beds because it’s not for everyone. I think a standard mattress would be more universally pleasing. The staff was super friendly and helpful but they were rarely to be seen on the premises. If you email the hotel in advance, it takes days to get a response. You have to make an appointment to check in. When you get your hotel confirmation, you can’t respond back to the email from which it comes from. You have to respond to the email listed at the bottom of the confirmation email. I made that mistake and waited days with no response. But even when you email the correct address, it still takes days and follow up. They didn’t provide complimentary water in the room but when I had written a review about this on Tripadvisor, the owner said that they provided complimentary water. I didn’t see it. I only saw small water bottles in the mini bar which had a listed fee. They had complimentary water in a large carafe in the lounge but they didn’t refill the bottle regularly. Since there was no staff around to inform, I couldn’t refill my water bottle from the water in the lounge and I wasn’t sure if the tap water from the faucet was safe. Sorry, don’t mean to go off about water but with all the walking, I was exhausted and dehydrated and sometimes did not get the chance to search for a market to pick up a bottle. The guesthouse was also a little isolated from the main area of Trastavere, about a 12 minute walk. There aren’t as many mid-range hotel options in Trastavere so you could also stay in Piazza Navona or Campe de Fiore or Vatican if you want something quiet. Airbnb is an option too. But I would stay away from Trevi, Pantheon, and the Colosseum.

The last time I had been to Rome was with my college boyfriend when I was 22 years old. Even a second time around, the colosseum was still mesmerizing. I took a fun cooking class and learned how to make tiramisu and pasta from scratch without a machine. I ate so much pasta and dessert. I tried Maritozza con La Panna for the first time because it’s in the windows of every pastry shop. It’s a sweet bun filled with milk cream. I enjoyed it but it was a little too much cream and bread for me. But definitely worth trying or sharing with someone! I also had Sfogliatelle for the first time. This I could handle because they have mini versions. Though I could probably eat the entire full sized version because that’s how much I loved it! But I wouldn’t say that they are made equally at every café. I had quite a few of these and only one that I really loved. Usually, they are chocolate, custard, pistachio, or jam filled. I found one that was filled with Chantilly cream and that was heaven! I loved the crispiness of this pastry. I had the best charcuterie board at Pane E Salami (tavern style) near the Trevi Fountain. They also offer sandwiches, vegetarian boards, and bruschetta. The cured meats and tomatoes are just so much tastier in Italy! I dined at Coromandel (cozy breakfast spot near past Piazza Navona) and Tonnarello (very popular, casual family style restaurant with long lines), Osteria Ponte Sisto (charming, quaint), and Mama Eat (got pizza) all in the Trastevere neighborhood. I would have loved to have had time to check out La Rosetta (for seafood in the Pantheon vicinity, expensive), Roscioli (small, Michelin Rated, in Campe de Fiori area), Gelataria Valentino (Trevi), and Feffo for pastries (in Vatican). By the end of my Roman holiday, I could not eat anymore food or drink anymore wine. I wanted to try everything and my stomach was just not big enough to handle it all! I recommend having a coffee and pastry in the morning, a very light lunch, gelato or pastry as a snack, and then pasta or pizza for dinner. The Tiber river reminds me of the Siene in Paris. Live music, couples strolling by, dim lights. Very romantic. I will definitely be back in Italy and passing through Rome again. I would love to explore Puglia and I haven’t been to the Amalfi coast. Sardinia island sounds beautiful too. So many places to explore!

Lisbon (2 nights): My next stop was Lisbon, Portugal. It was my first time in Portugal and I absolutely loved it. People were not as friendly as in Italy, but it was still a great experience. Portugal reminded me of a European version of California. The food was delicious! All my favorites—clams and prawns simmered in garlic and wine. My meals were light because it was mostly seafood, which was more my vibe. Meals were significantly less expensive than the United States and for seafood too! I loved their Pastel de Nata egg custard tarts. Crispy, flakey goodness. Lisbon was still a lot of walking, with cobblestone streets and lots of hills, which was challenging for me after I had just completed an exhausting week in Italy. I wish I had more time in Lisbon actually. I stayed at My Story Hotel Ouro for 2 nights in the Baixa neighborhood, walked around the Alfama district, lunched at the Time Out Lisboa Market, explored the LX Factory (hipster, warehouse area converted into art studios, shops, a variety of restaurants with outdoor space and live music), and got Pastel de Natas at Manteigara. Many blogs suggest going to Bairro Alto for drinks, dinner, and nightlife. Personally, I did not like this area. It’s very hilly. The little cobblestone streets are charming but the area felt very trashy to me. Spring break college drunk vibe. I wouldn’t recommend this area or maybe I’m too old for it. I wouldn’t stay at My Story Hotel Ouro again. The service was not that friendly and the hallways wreaked of their perfume. The room was tiny. On my first night in Lisbon, I felt so worn down by all the travel and walking. My allergies were acting up and my body reacted to all the cigarette smoke. So all I wanted on my first night in Lisbon was noodle soup! Not too far from my hotel, I found Boa Bao and was pleasantly surprised at how delicious the Asian food was! I ordered the most amazing pho and duck bao. It’s a fun spot with a vibe. They offer a variety of modern Asian food. In addition to Boa Bao, I was surprised at how international Lisbon was. I also had the most delicious breakfast at Dear Breakfast in Alfama. I loved Antiga Wine Bar, bordering on the Alfama district as well. It’s small and quaint but has a really good light menu. I spent a day visiting Sintra, Pena Palace, and Cascais. This was part of a tour, but I personally, didn’t think it was worth it. I would have rather spent that time exploring more of Lisbon. The tour was $70 and didn’t even included tickets into the palace so basically it was a glorified taxi ride with multiple stops and a tour guide. If you want, you could visit the palace on your own by taking a train, which is so much cheaper. It’s only 30 minutes away. But my tour was all day because of all the stops. I found the tour sort of boring so I don’t recommend it. Spend more time in Lisbon. Avenida da Liberdade is their high end shopping district. I walked though it but unless you want to do some high end shopping, I didn’t think there was much to see. There might be some fun vibey restaurants to check out in that area though if you are looking for that.

Lagos (3 nights): After 2 days in Lisbon, I took the Rede Espresso bus (I purchased them online 2 days before) to the south of Portugal to explore Lagos in the the Algarve region. The bus ticket there was only $15 euro and the return ticket was $10 euro. It’s a 3.5 hour ride and it’s fairly comfortable with wifi and a toilet on board. Remember to bring 50 cents to use the bus toilet or get change from the driver during your ride. It’s located in the middle of the bus by the side entrance, labeled WC on level with the lower steps, lower than the seat level, almost hidden. I didn’t see it the first time because I was looking at the back of the bus or an elevated bathroom. On my first ride, I held in my bladder and didn’t drink any water for fear of needing to pee. I was dehydrated. I don’t want you to make the same mistake! The only reason I noticed the toilet on my second bus ride, back to Lisbon, was because I saw someone walk out of it. Anyway, that was a learning experience. You can also take a train to Lagos but I think it’s more expensive and not direct. You’d have to take the train to Faro and then switch trains to get to Lagos, whereas the bus is direct. Both take the same amount of time. I spent 3 nights and 3 days in Lagos and it was lovely! However, I would not recommend staying at the Tivoli Resort. It was awful! The photos on the website looked way better than reality. The service was terrible. My room was like a mile away from the front desk and uphill within the resort as well, and it was completely outdated and sort of creepy. The staff members were negative, unwelcoming and almost rude, unhelpful, and didn’t even offer to assist with my luggage. It was mostly occupied by senior citizens. The location was good though. It’s near the bus station and the train station and it’s only a 10 minute (uphill) walk into town. Old town is cute with so many shops and restaurants. Although, I’m not sure you need to stay near town. Uber is quite common in Portugal and a lot less expensive than taxis. You can stay further away for a better relaxed vacation vibe and just Uber into town. Or if you rent a car, even better. Some people I met in Lagos were staying at the Belmar Spa and Beach Resort and had highly recommended it. The reason I didn’t stay as far was because I was traveling solo and didn’t want to feel as isolated. But in hindsight, solo or not, being a little further away in a nicer spot would have made my trip more relaxing. There are only so many times you may even want to walk into old town. Casa Mae and Lagos Avenida hotels also looked like great options for a hotel in town, but a little pricier.

On my first full day, I Ubered (less than 10 minutes) to Praia de Don Ana because it was a recommended beach with dramatic cliffs. It was beautiful but the water had a lot of kelp which wasn’t pleasant to be in but was scenic for pictures. Near Praia de Don Ana is Carvi Beach Hotel where Lucas Rooftop restaurant is located. After the beach, I stopped here to have more Portuguese clams (Bulhao Pato). Then I Ubered (less than 10 minutes) to Ponte de Piedade cliffs where there are a group of breathtaking rock formations. These are the same rock formations that I saw on my boat tour the next day, but from a different angle. It was a little windy in this area so you have to be careful when taking photos as you can fall off the cliff! But it was seriously so beautiful. You can actually walk a lot of the coast of Lagos stopping at all the sights via Seven Hanging Valley trail, but I did not have the energy for more walking. I walked some of the trail because the walkway/path intersected at Ponte de Piedade and Praia de Don Ana. I walked by Praia de Camilo beach (another small beach with cliffs) from Ponte de Piedade but was too tired to explore that beach. It looked like it could have been nicer than Praia de Don Ana (perhaps cleaner without kelp?). It’s located right next to Camilo Restaurant, which looks like a good stop for good food and a view. I think that in hindsight, Praia de Camilo beach and Camilo restaurant for lunch would have been a better option vs Praia de Don Ana and Lucas Rooftop because you can walk there from Ponte de Piedade (which I really enjoyed). For laying out and enjoying the beach without kelp, I really enjoyed relaxing at Duna Beach. It’s an easy, white sand beach that stretches for miles. No dramatic cliffs or rocks but super relaxing, calm, clean, clear waters. It has several restaurants on the beach, so you can also stop for food and drinks easily without having to climb up steep steps. On my last day in Lagos, I went on an amazing half day (4 hour) Blue Cruise boat tour with Blue Fleet. It was so relaxing, which was the type of tour I was looking for. It was only $55 and included snacks, lunch, and unlimited drinks while you tour the coast and caves of the south of Portugal. They also give you time to swim. The boat has a small bathroom as well. I met the loveliest people on the tour. I had originally wanted to see the famous Benagil caves but all the tours from Lagos were speedboats and didn’t allow you to disembark so I didn’t think it was worth it. And it didn’t sound relaxing. April is preseason for boat tours though so there may be more options in the summer. Plus, Lagos is a bit far from Benagil. If you’re staying closer, perhaps in Portimao, there may be better tours offered to explore Benagil. My tour went up the coast past Ponte de Piedade, which is in the other direction. I dined at Mimar for wine and tapas and Don Sebastio (Michelin rated casual seafood restaurant with large portions) for seafood rice. I would have loved to try Restaurant de Artistas (also Michelin rated but fancier, small bites) but I was saving that special meal for my last night of my vacation in Lisbon. Mar D’Estorias was a cute little shop in town that also has a rooftop restaurant with a small menu. I also wanted to try Tasca Jota, London Tiger Coffee, Taberna Da Mo, Taninos Wine & Kitchen.

Lisbon (1 additional night): On my last night in Lisbon, Portugal, and my European vacation (2 weeks), I stayed at the My Story Hotel Figueira and loved it. Spacious room, lively restaurant, great service, and a central location. It was the perfect accommodation for the end of my trip. Not to be confused with the other My Story Hotels. I stayed at the My Story Hotel Ouro during the first part of my Lisbon trip and I did not like it at all. Tiny rooms, unfriendly, rude staff, and really strong, unpleasant perfume scented hallways and rooms. Fortunately, the Figueira location was so much nicer! Still had a similar perfume scent as the Ouro location, but a lot more mild. There are also alternative boat accommodation options (The Homeboat Company) at the marina that I think could be fun to stay at. If I had more time, I would have tried that! To celebrate my last night in Lisbon, I enjoyed a special 3 hour and 11 course meal at this charming Michelin rated restaurant on a cute street in the Principal Real district Chef Louise Bourrat won the French version of Bravo Top Chef and manages a women run kitchen. I sat front row at the kitchen bar and got to watch the chefs in action but their back patio is really charming as well. There were two tasting menus to choose from, one inclusive of seafood and meat and the other entirely vegetarian, with the option to add on a wine pairing. My favorite dish was the lamb, which is surprising because I hardly ever eat lamb. The amberjack hamachi was another favorite but all the dishes were delish It was the loveliest last night in Lisbon! I wish I had time to explore more of Principal Real because it looked charming and upscale. I would have loved to have had time for drinks and a bite at Lumi (upscale restaurant with a rootop terrace with a view in the upper part of Bairro Alto, need a reservation) and ceviche at A Cevicheria. If you’re looking for coffee shops, Comoba (near Time Out Market) and Hygge (near Avenue de Liberade) were also recommended to me. In addition to the clams and prawns, tinned fish, particularly sardines, are very popular in Portugal. I don’t love the idea of tinned fish so I didn’t try any at restaurants because I didn’t have anyone to share it with and preferred to pick other dishes. But I did buy some as gifts to bring back home. They serve their tinned fish on toast. Fish croquettes are also popular but I didn’t love it when I tried it. I much preferred ordering clams, prawns, and mixed seafood rice. Whenever I ordered clams or prawns, I’d order a side of rice and pour that into the leftover garlic sauce. Portugal very much reminded me of California. It was charming with it’s cobblestone streets, hills, views, coast, and colorful buildings with beautiful patterned tiles and romantic iron balconies. It’s very international and has delicious seafood. I would love to return and visit Porto and other parts of the Algarve region. I was surprised to have met so many Americans on this part of the trip, on my tours, and when I dined solo sitting at the restaurant bars.

Some travel tips: Most places accept credit card, but majority did not accept American Express. For the most part, you can get away with not bringing cash. However, a few coins were needed for toilets in public places, such as buses, bus stations, train stations, and tourist sights. Some taxis in Portugal did not accept credit card but that was before I discovered I could Uber. I didn’t Uber at all in Italy. It was not really available in Florence and in Rome, I didn’t even bother. It didn’t occur to me because in Florence, it wasn’t an option. We took the tram, mostly walked everywhere, and called a taxi if needed. But in Portugal, I’m thankful the hotel staff recommended Uber because it was less than half the cost of a taxi. Most people in both countries speak English. A great meal in Italy and Portugal are a fraction of the cost in the U.S. and you don’t need to tip. Wear comfy shoes because you’ll be walking a lot, over cobblestone, and uphill. I packed cute shoes, which I managed to wear to Boubou on my very last night in Lisbon but only because I Ubered. Most days, I wore sneakers. I brought one pair of day sneakers for all the walking (Vans) and a pair of nicer white sneakers for dinner and going out at night, that I could wear with pants or a dress. Nice shoes will be ruined with the cobblestone. Most hotels don’t provide water. If they do, it’s a small bottle and then they’ll over-charge you 3 euro to drink their small bottled water in their mini fridge. Better to go to a market and buy a big bottle of water for 60 cent to bring back to the hotel. Europeans often are on strike. You will encounter delays with flights, trains, and traffic because of protests, which they refer to as “manifestations.” Bring allergy meds because of the cigarette smoke. People will rudely smoke next you at a restaurant. Make dinner reservations. Europeans eat late. A lot of restaurants don’t even open until 12:30pm for lunch and 7pm or 7:30pm for dinner. If you want to eat at a restaurant without a reservation, I’d recommend going on the early end when it opens. Otherwise, you might get turned down or stuck waiting. Check out my Instagram for more photos and details of the restaurants I visited and meals I ate. All vacation story recaps are in my highlights. Make sure you like them, share, and follow me!

Oh gosh. Writing this blog post makes me really hungry. It also makes me wish I was still on vacay. The wonderful thing about vacation is that my only goal each day was to explore, try some place new, decide which delicious meal I’m going to eat next, go on a new adventure, and do something that brings me joy. It was all about embracing happiness and pleasure, which can be difficult to do at home when you’re stressed and overwhelmed. I enjoyed being forced to be present and disconnect a little bit from technology, reality, people, toxicity, and responsibilities. I haven’t done that in a long time. It was GREAT! I hope I can continue protecting those boundaries now that I am back home. I hope I can hold onto the peace that I felt there for a little bit longer. I’d like to practice integrating that peace and calm into my everyday life. I think I have awakened my travel bug. Where should I go next?

Boston Trip, Food, and Random Thoughts

So August came and went and somehow we’re in October already! I spent most of August trying to pick myself back up again post-Covid isolation. Being social helped bit by bit. I even did some retail therapy and ya know what? It worked! Lol. I hadn’t really shopped all year but treating myself to some new outfits, expensive French perfume, and a fancy facial made me feel brand new again.

I went back to Boston to visit Mom for a bit in early September. While in Boston, I had the best food! As I always do. Had so many oysters! Mom always liked oysters but even more so now because after her injury, they go down her throat more easily than other foods. She still struggles with her appetite as a result of her brain injury and hospitalization. So I’ve been taking Mom and my stepdad out for oysters and cocktails and now I enjoy it even more myself because it makes her happy and that makes me happy. My parents aren’t really motivated to go out to nice places and explore on their own so it’s sort of up to me to help bring them joy because they don’t know how to do it on their own (not that I want that responsbility, I struggle a lot with it myself). They’ve worked so hard their entire lives and have survived so much hardship. They don’t know how to indulge, enjoy life, and have fun or seek joy. How could they? It’s something I have had to learn myself. Not that I’m an expert but my generation is more open to self-care, community, open dialogue, and reaching out for support for mental health than my parents’ generation. I also cooked for my parents while I was home. I made them some dishes they have never had before like my Steak with Colombian Aji Sauce, Coconut Turmeric Chicken Soup and my Mushroom Marsala. And I couldn’t leave Boston without making Mom my version of Cambodian Kuyteav Noodle Soup.

The sun is setting earlier and it’s getting dark sooner. This time of year always starts to make me feel sad, as endings usually do. I must have inherited this from my mother. She feels this way around this time of year in the east coast, when the cooler breeze floats through her windows and she can hear the sound of crickets from her garden. And my year is almost over as my birthday is in November. As with every birthday in the last few years, I have to plan some type of trip to give myself something to look forward to. So guess where I’m going this year? To Panama! I’m going to be attending a wellness yoga retreat at an eco-friendly holistic luxury beachfront resort situated away from the main civiliation on Panama’s coast. I’m VERY excited to get away and participate in this wellness journey. This year has been tough and I could use all the healing I can get!

Upwards and onwards.

Hello Again!

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe I have not written a blog post since April! It has been awhile. I guess I just needed to take a little time (or a lot of time) for my mental health. After having a breakdown in March/April, it took awhile for me to pick myself up again. It’s not something that happens in a day. Or even a week or a month. There’s not one thing that makes it go away. And sometimes the things that have worked before don’t work anymore. It’s a process. A journey.

Since I have last written, there have been a few things that I have done to get myself back to a better place. I indulged and splurged on a spa day at the Belair Hotel with a couple friends. It was so lovely. The massage was wonderful and so were the amenites that came with it. Before and after your massage, you can relax in their lounge room or patio with tea or champagne and snacks. We lunched al fresco at the Wolfgang Puck restaurant at the hotel afterwards. The Belair Hotel feels like a little retreat away from the city because of the pond and lush greens that surround it. I definitely want to do this again and should probably do it more often.

I joined an Empowered Women’s Group that meets weekly. It comforting to be a part of a group that is committed to self-improvement and self-development and is also supportive and compassionate. I went on a weekend trip to Palm Springs with a friend and indulged in the accommodations and really good restaurants. I started checking off LA restaurants, concerts, and activities that were on my to-do/explore list. I read a new book called What Happened to You? that is partly written by Oprah. It explores the effects of trauma. I did some light exercises. All of this slowly brought me some joy. And it felt good to feel good again.

I had also returned to Boston in May to see my mother. I was really nervous about that trip because I just wasn’t sure I could handle the emotions, stress, and everything involved in her recovery after having had such a hard time in February and March, which led to the my breakdown. She seemed better though. Not the same, but I witnessed small glimpses of her old self and that gave me some relief.

Then in July, I got Covid. Most likely the BA.5 variant and it hit me hard. Fever of 102 for 3 days. Achiness, strained voice, sore throat, lack of appetite, and fatigue for 3 weeks. After quarantining for 10 days, I still had low energy and sounded horrible. To be isolated for that long, alone, while physically suffering really made me regress. People talk about the physical effects of Covid all the time but I was not prepared for what it did to me mentally. It was lonely, isolating, depressing, and took me to a dark, negative place again. The only positive that came out of Covid for me was that I was so bored that I learned how to solve a Rubik’s cube. This had been on my to-do list after seeing my stepdad do it. It’s a more spiritual experience than one may think. Solving the cube involves creativity, patience, pushing through resistance, taking a few steps back to move forward, taking many steps that don’t make sense in the moment but make sense later, feeling like you aren’t progressing but you know that you are, problem solving in different scenarios, and focusing on just the next step instead of being overwhelmed by the entire problem at once. It’s a good distraction and does take your mind off things momentarily.

So now, I’m back there again. Trying to pick myself up. Today is the first day that my voice feels almost back to normal but I still feel like I have something in my throat. Progress! I just returned from a weekend in Colorado for a bachelorette party, which I probably shouldn’t have gone to in the first place because even though I was Covid negative, I still wasn’t feeling my best yet. So now, I’m completely worn out and my introverted self needs some alone time. I think I need to take myself out on a solo date this weekend and do some things that might bring me joy. I’m a tortured introvert though—I want alone time but then I feel lonely and also want to be social. It’s an ongoing inner conflict. Can anyone relate?

Ok I need to write more often. Hopefully, you will get some positive updates from me soon or at the very least, new recipes!

Recovery

Sometimes you need to break down to build up and heal. It has been the worst last two months. With everything that happened with my mom, life has been so stressful. Now that she’s home from the hospital and on the mend, and I’m back in LA, I thought the pressure that had been building up inside of me was going to subside. But it didn’t. It continued to build and build and there was no escape.

And then last week, I felt like I was going to explode and have a mental break down. I didn’t know what to do. I felt backed into a corner and I just wanted the pain to go away. Upon my return to LA, I had overbooked myself with brand and restaurant partnerships, along with my regular consulting work, on top of checking in on my mother multiple times a day, joining her doctor appointment calls, and coordinating appointments for her medical care. It was all too much after already an extremely heavy and stressful last five weeks. It felt never ending, like there was no break, no end in sight. This was just my life. And I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I decided I needed a day off of all responsibilities. I couldn’t even handle receiving text messages, let alone responding to them. I couldn’t handle looking at social media. I couldn’t focus on work. I couldn’t function period. Every little thing felt like extra weight on my back and I was about to break. So I took a Friday sick/mental health day, hoping that it would solve my problems. But I didn’t utilize it to do anything that would bring me joy or provide a release. I wanted to do something with my day, but I just couldn’t make a decision, function properly, or process anything. I wanted to get a massage but I couldn’t figure out where and the masseuse I liked wasn’t available. I wanted to go on a hike but I couldn’t get myself off my couch and out of the apartment. Then I felt annoyed with myself for not making use of my sick day to do anything that would bring me joy. One day off did not fix my problems overnight or bring me any sort of comfort like I thought it would.

That weekend, I did my own nails, which I hadn’t done in two months. I got a haircut the next day, which I hadn’t done in over a year. My hair stylist moved out of town and I was forced to try a new person at the salon. Even though he cut off some dead weight, he did not give me the cut I wanted. Beauty treatments didn’t work to lift my spirits either.

And I really didn’t do much else with the weekend that followed my sick day. Maybe I just needed to ride out the wave of negative emotions. Then this week, things slowed down. My various work commitments decreased and there were no doctor appointments for Mom this week. I also didn’t check in with her as much. I have to remind myself that she will be okay even if I don’t check in with her three times a day. I’ve been my mother’s main caregiver for the last five weeks straight and I had seen her everyday during her hospitalization. It was hard for me to leave Boston. It was hard for me to leave her. I think a part of me has still been scared and worried about her so it has been difficult for me to let go of all the responsibilities of caregiving and not check in with her multiple times a day. This has been at the added expense of me not taking care of myself though. But she’ll be okay, even if I’m not available for every moment in her continued recovery. Even if I don’t know what she’s eating for every single meal. Maybe there aren’t any quick and easy fixes right now, but reducing some of the commitments in all areas of my life, including my mother’s care, helped relieve some of the pressure. Hopefully, this will create space for me to be able to receive and feel joy again from some of my usual acts of self-care. This will be my first weekend back in LA without any sort of work commitments. I finally have an appointment with the masseuse I like this coming Sunday. I had been wanting to get a massage for months. I think I will try to go on a solo hike tomorrow to get out in nature and clear my head. Maybe I’ll even make myself something good to eat. I’m inviting joy back into my life again. And I am ready to receive.

The Parents are in Town!

Since I moved back to Los Angeles after my two-year stint living in Hong Kong, my parents have not visited me and it has been almost a decade! This past Labor Day weekend, my mother and stepfather finally came to town, and everything that could go wrong went wrong. No running water, racist attack, and my car died in the middle of Hollywood—all within the first two days of their visit.

A water pipe on my street burst the night before my parents’ arrival and I had no running water for 20 hours! The workers from the LA Department of Water and Power were up all night attempting to fix the issue with no idea when the problem would be fixed. When my parents arrived the next day, I couldn’t bring them home after their long flight because we couldn’t use the toilet, wash our hands, or cook. It’s so easy to take for granted the luxury of running water! I took them to lunch at Din Tai Fung for Taiwanese food and then walked around Century City Mall. After a couple hours, we decided to come home with the game plan of walking to a nearby cafe to hang out when any of us needed to use the bathroom. When we got home, the water still was not fixed. My parents wanted to relax after their plane ride and did not want to have to go out again so we were all hesitant to hydrate. Fortunately after a couple more hours, the water came back on before we had to venture out to find a toilet! Hallelujah! Thank goodness I showered and washed my hair the night before.

On their first night in LA, I took them to one of my old favorite restaurants, Tar & Roses, in Santa Monica. I hadn’t been in 2 years and was excited to be able to share the experience with them. I don’t go out to eat that often anymore because I’m finding that the quality and service has changed a lot since the pandemic and I’m usually disappointed. Of course, it’s even more difficult to impress my parents. They are accustomed to delicious seafood in Boston. The restaurant scene in Boston is amazing, unpretentious, less expensive, and always reliable wherever you go. And the pandemic has not changed that. When I was there recently this past May, I found myself impressed by every single meal I ate out at a restaurant.

And then after dinner, we were victims of a verbal racist attack. As we walked back to my car on Santa Monica Blvd and 5th, a white man pulled at his eyes and yelled, “Hey, hey, you Ch*nk family!” Fortunately, my parents didn’t understand what happened. They didn’t understand what the man said or did. But I understood and my blood boiled. I yelled obscenities at him as he walked away. I explained what happened to my parents and they weren’t upset. Or maybe they were and just didn’t show it. They were probably used to internalizing it. But I don’t want this to be something anyone has to “get used to.” My parents survived a genocide and came to America as refugees searching for a better life and it seems like not much has changed since their early days in this country. My mother has already been through so much in this life and I was so upset that she had to experience racism in LA on her first night visiting me.

The incident was triggering. Made me think of the years of microaggressions and acts of racism that I have experienced my entire life. When someone makes you feel less than one day, sure, maybe you can shrug it off. But how about if someone makes you feel less than every day. Or maybe once a week, once a month. Then multiply that by every year you have lived. And now imagine it’s not just one person making you feel less than all those years. It’s someone at work. Someone at school. Someone at the grocery store. Someone off the street. It’s your neighbor. It’s someone in your friend group. It’s not one person you can avoid. Not one incident. It’s everywhere. Throughout different stages of your life. Happening again and again. What does that do to your mental health over time? What does that do to your sense of worth?

Going into the weekend, I was already feeling fragile with some other things going on in my life and also with everything happening in Afghanistan, which is a reminder of what happened to my parents in Cambodia with the genocide. It’s so sad and upsetting. During the early days of the pandemic, I went on walks often to get out of the house. Then I stopped when the violence against Asian Americans, and particularly the Asian elderly, increased. Only in the last couple months, I had been feeling comfortable enough to go on walks again and then this happened. It’s not something I could just easily shake off.

The next day, I took my parents for a Thai lunch at Hoy Ka in Hollywood. When we walked back to my car afterwards, my car wouldn’t start. I had to call for a tow truck and learned that my car battery was dead. Got a jump start and had to spend our afternoon at Pep Boys waiting to get my battery replaced. This was the 3rd thing that went wrong that weekend. I tried as hard as I could to put on a face so that I wouldn’t worry my parents, but the truth is, I felt so beaten down. I’m sure they noticed. I had no appetite. I couldn’t eat. When we came home, I saged the apartment. My mother superstitiously threw rice and salt over my balcony and did a short prayer with insence. Leading up to my parents’ visit, I had already been stressed for weeks with work and it had been on my mind all weekend. That next day, I collapsed onto my bed and napped for two hours. I never nap but I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted and my body couldn’t hold it in anymore. You can try to act like everything is okay, but your body doesn’t lie. Everything was not okay.

People say things happen in threes. That was it for us that weekend—the broken water pipe, the racist attack, and my dead car battery. We spent the rest of their time in LA cooking, eating, and visiting the Venice Canals and the beach. I’m glad my parents visited me but I’m sure it wasn’t the best trip for them. After I dropped them off at the airport, I felt a huge weight lifted from me. I no longer felt pressure to pretend that everything was okay. I felt like I could sort through all my complicated emotions and thoughts without having to fake it. I felt like I was finally allowed to be exhausted and not have to worry about how that was perceived or how it would affect anyone else.

That same week after much contemplation, I decided to part ways with a client. I realized it was not a good fit for me and it had been negatively affecting my mental health for weeks. Sometimes you have to walk away and let go of things that don’t serve you, as hard as it may be. When I made the decision, I came home and napped for two hours! The next day, I napped again. I’ve never napped so much in ONE week! My body was mentally and emotionally drained. And it took me about 5 days to recover. I am just starting to feel like myself again. I’m slowly coming back to life.

It’s ironic that my last post was about feeling good. As easily and quickly as things can go well, things can all come crashing down at once as well. You have to take the good with the bad. Things can change and turn around in a second. But all experiences are learning experiences and we can’t have one without the other.

I would love to add some new recipes to the blog soon. But for now, I need to take care of my mental health, listen to my body, and give myself a break. In the meantime, check out my Instagram for all the yummy food we ate during my parents’ visit!

Coronaversary

It’s March. We’ve hit our one year anniversary of when it all began. One year since the pandemic officially started and forever changed our lives. An ENTIRE year! Can you believe it? It began with a 2 week lockdown and one year later, we’re still here. How do I feel about it? I have so many thoughts and feelings. Not much happened and yet everything changed all at the same time.

On a superficial level, I’ve expanded my athleisure section of my wardrobe. Now, it takes up a greater percentage of my closet. I have always loved sweatpants before but now I really love them. Sweatpants and hoodies—just give me more. One can never have enough.

In March of last year, like everyone else, I was dealing with the initial shock of a pandemic and what that meant for the world. I had my first of two anxiety attacks. I was trying to mend a broken heart and I retreated from the world. Trauma was triggered. Mental health became more important to me than ever in my adult years. I joined mental wellness support groups. It was the first time since my early twenties that I participated in talk therapy consistently for a year. And when I didn’t expect it, I learned so much about myself.

My project with a fashion client ended and I’ve been able to resume my passion project—the Cambodian cookbook. This time, I’m working on my writing, which I think is the most fun part. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy writing. I wrote a novella in college and then continued to take a creative writing course after college but never really pursued it and I wish I had all these years, even just as a hobby. After two weeks of testing out different writing groups and getting frustrated, I finally found one that provides a supportive community for critique, workshopping, and encouragement. I guess, you can join a group for just about anything nowadays. It was something I never thought to do before and is definitely something I want to continue even after I finish my cookbook.

Most excitingly, I got my first dose of the Covid vaccine shot! It felt so sweet to get it on the anniversary of the start of the pandemic! It only took 5 hours of waiting in the cold without food or bathroom breaks to get the extra leftover vaccine, but it was completely worth it! Even though things won’t change overnight, I felt like I made it to the finish line. I was so happy and relieved. I celebrated with tacos and cake to honor the occasion! My stepfather has gotten his within the month as well. I’m just waiting for my mother to get hers so that I can see them again after TWO long years! I’m looking forward to the world resuming some sort of normalcy soon even if we have to proceed with caution.

Getting vaccinated gives me all kinds of feels and has given me so much to reflect on. What a long year it has been! We’ve all come such a long way and I’m grateful for making it through. I’m feeling good today.

Happy November!

Ok, so if you’ve read my previous blog post, you know that I’m experiencing a transition in my life and that I’m trying to embrace all of the feelings that come with it—both the good and the bad. How is it going? Well, I’m on my third glass of wine tonight. This is the first week I’ve fully had time to sit in my feelings and you know what? I don’t really like it! LOL.

The first week after my year long contract with a client ended in October, I went on a road trip. The second week was a very stressful week with the election (very happy with the results even though it took 5 emotional days to find out!) plus I was called back to work for a couple days with my previous client This week, I haven’t had any distraction. No paid work and no road trips. Just me, myself, and I. I’ve been very productive personally though. I’ve done some purging by cleaning and organizing my apartment, running errands, and making calls to customer service to fix things. Errands, tasks, and cleaning take up so much time. I don’t know how people get any of these things done with a full-time job. If I didn’t have free time this week, these items would still be on my to-do list.

It’s very lonely not having to interact with people through work, even if it is via zoom nowadays with the pandemic. The pandemic has really exacerbated the situation because of social distancing and not being able to travel freely during my time off as I would normally. I don’t know how I did this last year. Last year, I devoted most of the year, after quiting my job, to working on my cookbook. I was very determined and spent the first 6 months of last year cooking everyday with very little social interaction and very minimal consulting work. And all of that was self-imposed. Now, it has only been a week and I’m already uncomfortable. How did I survive last year?

I’m trying to surrender to the discomfort while still moving forward. I finished two new books this month—The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck and Psychopath Free (recommended by my therapist). I enjoyed The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck. It preaches embracing your problems because they provide opportunities to improve. It also discusses toxic positivity, which is something I can definitely relate to. I feel like the toxic positivity thought process is popular right now (and also super annoying), especially in Los Angeles. Having feelings and discussing and working through your problems are human and all parts of the healing process. But people sometimes get uncomfortable hearing about your problems and want to solve it or spin it into a positive immediately. Before sweeping everything under the rug through phrases like, “sending you love and light,” “good vibes only,” “try to be positive,” or “let’s try to reframe that,” take a minute to acknowledge the shitty problem and the negative (real and human) feelings that accompany it. Those “negative” feelings are helpful in catapulting you into changing a shitty situation into a better situation. If everything was happy all the time, then we would never change. All emotions need to be felt and explored in order for you to learn more about yourself, heal, and move forward.

Anyway, that’s my two cents for now. Thought it would be helpful to publicly journal [blog] while I’m in my state of discomfort.

The End of Summer 2020

We are in the middle of a heatwave in Los Angeles right now. It’s the end of August and also the end of the summer of 2020. What a year it has been! We are still in the midst of an on-going pandemic, which I don’t think anyone expected to last this long. The pandemic has forever changed our lives in so many ways.

Like many of you, I resisted the reality of the pandemic when Covid first took over the world. I thought it would be temporary. I was caught up in the initial shock and hysteria. I was annoyed by the inconvenience of long lines at the grocery stores, sold out supplies, business closures, and the lockdown. I was sad for the people who got sick, the kids who couldn’t go to school, and the people who lost their jobs. I was worried about the future of our economy. But other than that, I really wasn’t ready to look beyond the surface. And yet, it still felt like the world was ending because globally, we have never experienced anything like this before in our modern world that is dependent upon instant gratification, technology, endless options, and distractions.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. Up until the pandemic hit, I was working so much—balancing three clients, working day and night and weekends, in addition to managing my social media and blog, testing out recipes, and creating content. On top of all of that, I was in a relationship that drained whatever energy I had left. I was burnt out. I lost sight of the things that brought me happiness. I stopped making time for me.

But then at the start of the pandemic, my relationship ended and my work focus shifted to one client. I still continued blogging and creating content but I had more time on my hands with the lockdown and social distancing. I distracted myself with practicing ukelele, Marie-Condo-ing my closet, trying new recipes, reading, baking nutella swirl banana bread, joining Instagram Live Yoga Sculpt classes, and going on long walks. For awhile, these distractions worked. Then after a couple of months of lockdown and limited exposure to the outside world, I was spending a lot of time in my own thoughts and starting to feel very alone and isolated. I felt disconnected from my friends and family. Old traumas were triggered and I became depressed. My world seemed foggy. I lost touch with myself and I didn’t know what to do to pull myself out of the darkness.

It was a rough journey at the beginning. I was forced to grow in ways I didn’t expect. I always think I’m done growing, that I know myself, that I’ve learned everything that I’ve needed to learn, and that I’ve resolved all my past issues. The truth is, that job is never done. We are constantly faced with challenges and lessons throughout our lives and the year of 2020 is no different. As Oprah says, life is a master class and we are the students. We are tested over and over again, in different ways. And there is not one same solution.

I had to relearn how to create happiness and joy for myself in new, small and simple ways. I had to stop worrying and planning for a future that is now even more uncertain than ever. Healing really forces you to focus on the present moment and take life day by day. It does not happen overnight and does not result from making one change. Healing is a combination of many things, that together, propel you forward. I joined a support group. I started reaching out to more people, to create a community for myself with social distant walks or picnics. I set boundaries with work and committed to taking summer Fridays off to do something for myself that brings me joy, whether it meant creating new content by testing out new recipes or taking myself out for a solo lunch date or spending the day at the beach. Somehow, over the course of July, I felt so much better.

I’m an introvert at heart and I’m always searching for a connection with everyone I meet. However, I don’t always find it with people and it’s even harder to find it during a pandemic. Plus, I live in Los Angeles. I don’t think it’s crazy for me to say that it’s really hard to find a connection with people here. But this summer has taught me to reconnect with myself. And as a result, I’m learning how to reconnect with the world again. Not every connection has to be a soulful, deep connection. I think I always have that expectation of people, which would leave me feeling disappointed in the past. Now, I’m accepting the fact that some connections are small connections, but even small connections matter, especially during a global crisis.

I’m such a nerd at heart. Even my approach to mental health is nerdy. I takes notes of things that come up during the week as I engage with the world, interact with people, listen to podcasts, and participate in support group. Then I discuss these topics during my therapy sessions. I’m doing my homework. I’m working on me. It’s not always easy to do but it definitely pays off. I was so upset and depressed during the first four months of the pandemic. But these last two months of summer, I have felt so much stronger emotionally. I’ve learned so much about myself and I’m proud of my growth.

Surprisingly, I’ve had a good summer. I’ve gone to the beach more this summer than I have ever before. I’ve seen schools of dolphins almost every time I’ve visited the beach. I’ve had lovely picnics and hangouts in the park. I’ve reconnected with nature. I’ve befriended my neighbors. I made a new romantic connection. I’ve had the best birria tacos from a food truck in Echo Park. I’ve partnered with some new brands to create some fun collaborations. I’ve spent more time enjoying sunsets on my rooftop.

Now it’s the end of August and the end of summer and I can honestly say that I feel happy right now. Happy! Imagine that! Happy during a pandemic and global crisis! I’m going to try to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can because nothing in life is constant. The pandemic has really forced me to enjoy the moment, slow down, and be more present. As hard as it has been, I am so grateful for all my lessons this year.