Baby, It's Cold Outside

Contrary to what most people outside of southern California believe, Los Angeles does get cold in the winter. I can already feel the temperature begin to drop in the evening. It’s even a bit chilly during the day in the shade. The breeze is cooler. The morning air smells different. I can feel myself beginning to sink into hibernation mode. Putting on my baggy sweatpants and hoodies and curling up on the couch underneath a blanket. So comfy and cozy.

It’s cuffing season and I’m alone again this year. I’m ready to binge watch those holiday Hallmark movies that all seem to involve a woman meeting her soulmate before Christmas. Waiting for that to happen to me. Ha-ha. I mean, sometimes those things do happen in real life too right? More often the exception than the rule but can it be my turn for an exception please? Universe, are you listening? I’m still here. Thank you in advance.

One more week and I will be in Panama on a yoga retreat. Looking forward to a change of scenery and switching up my surrounding energy. I could use some time for inner reflection and redirection. Not sure what to expect, but I’m open to all the possibilities. And oh my goodness, I’m turning a year older. Eeeeek. But it could possibly be my best year yet. So there’s that.

Hello 2022!

Happy New Year! I’m a little late writing my first post of 2022 because…frankly, I’m still processing lol. The month of December was such a fog. I caught a cold from, I think, the one night I chose to go out with a big group of people for Santa Pub Crawl. It wasn’t Omicron, but who knows anymore with all this talk of false negatives. However, I didn’t have those related symptoms and I tested twice and was negative. But other people I had interacted with that night tested positive for Covid. I hadn’t been sick in 2 years so this felt strange.

In today’s pandemic climate, you really can’t see people or go out in public when you’re sick, even if it’s not Covid. So I had to cancel all my plans over the holidays and then semi-isolate. I hadn’t seen a single person in over 2 weeks from before Christmas and into the new year. It was so depressing. As much of a homebody and introvert as I am, it still took a toll on my mental health. The last couple years of pandemic have been so exhausting. I’m exhausted. And I know I’m not the only one, but wow. This is never-ending. Even with the vaccine and the booster.

I spent Christmas at home solo eating soup. By NYE, I still had residual symptoms but I felt better. I had more energy and was comfortable venturing out. Since I couldn’t see anybody and had such a lonely Christmas, I wanted to do something nice for myself for New Year’s Eve. I wanted to treat myself to a gift (because retail therapy does work some of the time) but the designer item I wanted was sold out after I had my heart set on it all week and I waited in line for an hour. That was disappointing. So then I went to the grocery store to pick up stuff to make myself a nice dinner that consisted of more than just broth—spaghetti arrabbiata with burrata and pumpkin tart.

But I still felt off mentally. I really didn’t want to carry that negative feeling into the new year but it was really hard to shake off. I had been isolated for over 2 weeks. I worked over Christmas and NYE holidays because I was available (since I had to cancel all my plans) even though I was sick. I hadn’t really been drinking much alcohol for the last four months since I’ve been on a hydrating kick and sort of lost my enjoyment for cocktails, wine, and bubbles. Once I felt better physically, I learned that a lot of my friends and their families caught Omicron and therefore, had to isolate and were not available. On the first work day of the new year, my work laptop died and I lost some of my work and a lot of time. Spent those first 2 work days trying to resolve that situation on top of being on a tight work deadline. I know these setbacks seem small, but I just kept feeling defeated.

By the end of the first week though, I did find that sold out item (I called incessantly to inquire) that I wanted to gift myself and it did bring me some joy. I connected with a new friend in the neighborhood and we both decided we’re commited to getting out of our sweatpants (although I love love sweatpants) and out of the house more. I signed up for some events, met some more new people, and also went on a couple of new hikes. I’m trying to do all the things while being Covid-safe. I’m not entirely there yet, but I’m trying. It would be nice if there was one simple solution that always worked, but there’s not.

It does feel good to get dressed up again and see people so sharing with you some of my recent outfits because I don’t have that much else to share at the moment. I have purchased so many sweats, joggers, and hoodies in the last 2 years! I also have several new, unworn outfits that still have tags on them sitting in my closet. These outfits need to be worn! Another reason to get out more! Human interaction/connection, exercise steps, fresh air, and to wear my unworn outfits! Even though I enjoyed being out again in the last 2 weeks, it definitely felt like work to get dressed up, go out, and socialize, being the introvert that I am. And everything seemed more expensive. Prices have increased and quality and service have declined a bit—all natural side effects of the pandemic. It’s also an adjustment going from isolation and only spending money on necessities to paying for entertainment and fun again. I could really use a massage too.

Life right now is strange. Gotta find all the little things that bring you joy. It has been raining a lot in LA lately and I like it. The gloom and overcast matches my mood and it’s comforting. It will all disippate soon though. Follow the light and eventually the fog will clear, right?

Fortunately, Chinese New Year is in 2 weeks and I will have another shot at resetting for the new year.

Coronaversary

It’s March. We’ve hit our one year anniversary of when it all began. One year since the pandemic officially started and forever changed our lives. An ENTIRE year! Can you believe it? It began with a 2 week lockdown and one year later, we’re still here. How do I feel about it? I have so many thoughts and feelings. Not much happened and yet everything changed all at the same time.

On a superficial level, I’ve expanded my athleisure section of my wardrobe. Now, it takes up a greater percentage of my closet. I have always loved sweatpants before but now I really love them. Sweatpants and hoodies—just give me more. One can never have enough.

In March of last year, like everyone else, I was dealing with the initial shock of a pandemic and what that meant for the world. I had my first of two anxiety attacks. I was trying to mend a broken heart and I retreated from the world. Trauma was triggered. Mental health became more important to me than ever in my adult years. I joined mental wellness support groups. It was the first time since my early twenties that I participated in talk therapy consistently for a year. And when I didn’t expect it, I learned so much about myself.

My project with a fashion client ended and I’ve been able to resume my passion project—the Cambodian cookbook. This time, I’m working on my writing, which I think is the most fun part. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy writing. I wrote a novella in college and then continued to take a creative writing course after college but never really pursued it and I wish I had all these years, even just as a hobby. After two weeks of testing out different writing groups and getting frustrated, I finally found one that provides a supportive community for critique, workshopping, and encouragement. I guess, you can join a group for just about anything nowadays. It was something I never thought to do before and is definitely something I want to continue even after I finish my cookbook.

Most excitingly, I got my first dose of the Covid vaccine shot! It felt so sweet to get it on the anniversary of the start of the pandemic! It only took 5 hours of waiting in the cold without food or bathroom breaks to get the extra leftover vaccine, but it was completely worth it! Even though things won’t change overnight, I felt like I made it to the finish line. I was so happy and relieved. I celebrated with tacos and cake to honor the occasion! My stepfather has gotten his within the month as well. I’m just waiting for my mother to get hers so that I can see them again after TWO long years! I’m looking forward to the world resuming some sort of normalcy soon even if we have to proceed with caution.

Getting vaccinated gives me all kinds of feels and has given me so much to reflect on. What a long year it has been! We’ve all come such a long way and I’m grateful for making it through. I’m feeling good today.